There are times in life.....where you feel beaten down and unsure of yourself....about who you are...where you stand...what you like...what you know you don't like......even about the things you thought you knew about your life....but now are just not sure of anymore.....
times that make you wonder....if whether what you thought you knew about your self....was just something ....you created.....from what everyone else thought they wanted....
lately ive been going through bit of a rough phase.....one in which everything i thought i knew........was turned upside down....and now am finding myself having to start from scratch....
its not the first time its happened.....and it certainly isn't gonna be the last.....
at times like these....i try and....get some space between me and the world.....and try to figure things out.....disappear...vanish...just be alone for a while....amongst a bunch of strangers....hiding behind the tears of a clown....in hopes that no one sees past my smile.
times like these....i cant stand being around the people i care about.....i find it hard to understand why the people i know....trust in me the way they do....why some people care about me more than i think they should....why they trust in my judgment...despite all the times Ive taken them for granted...and it scares me to be around these people...for they see past my smile and false confidence....and trust in someone who they think they know.....they trust in who i am....more than id be able to trust myself sometimes....and that scares me ...for ...how can you trust someone you do not know?....even if....that person was....you.
id gone in circles searching for myself...when the ans was right in front of me all along....
for this time....when my world burned down....something remained.....it wasnt much ....but it was enough.....to help me understand....that its from the people who care about you....that you indeed learn the most about yourself from........when i let them in...when i pulled closer...instead of pushing away......when i let my guard down...and just let it happen......i learnt that i indeed had something to offer....something more than i realized i did....more than i thought i could....i realized why i mattered
....which is an unbelievable feeling......to know...that there is no one...in the rest of the world to be more qualified to be you..to the people you care about....than you...reading it is one thing....feeling it is quite another....and when you realize....that there are over a 4billion different people on the planet...its a pretty big damn deal....its like knowing.....your gonna win the lottery....cause there's only one ticket...and you have it.
that being said.....its weird how all people evolve the same way...as do their relationships...its why some last more than others....and some always seem to stay the same....in either case...youll never know...about your relationships...or about yourself...by retreating into yourself...lifes to short to be afraid to be open about it...
i know now...and it took me while to really understand.....that its the relationships that build you up....instead of tear you down....those that transpire time...and distance...those that feel easy...and not a forced chore in any way..the ones that don't command you to follow...but guide you...and are still there if you falter.... are indeed the ones that matter....and probably the ones who get you closer to knowing who you really are as a person.
that being said....how do you know the difference between the relationships that matter...from the ones...that are just a waste of your time....the funny thing is....as is the case with most things in life that we tend to complicate....its pretty simple really....
Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.- Anthony Robbins.
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ~Oprah Winfrey
A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. - Leo F. Buscaglia
I feel anything that falls short of what is mentioned in the above quotes is not worth your time....
I think the greatest thing you could receive from someone is the feeling of being accepted for who you are...without judgment...and being cared about in spite of your flaws....and it the most amazing thing ever.....which im ashamed to say ive taken for granted.. ..for way too long....im lucky enough to have people like that in my life....who make me feel like....and want to be a better person for..,..so that one day...i may be there to repay the kindness they have shown me....it is our differences that make us stronger....the fact that we can compensate....for each other....as and when we falter....is our greatest strength.....a strength i had underestimated...but will never do so again.
-Rahul Thomas
