Killing The Child

My hopes my dreams I pinned to the hands I held

To the ones my heart I had meld

Feeling safe that all would be well

My own padded cell

The world was cruel or so id heard

Clinging to the truth of the spoken word

That I wasn’t good enough the way I was

That I had to be better than this lost cause

Belief is a strange thing

It can build you up or break your wings

And we’re often blinded to which is which

Until it unravels stitch by stitch

And a ghost appears from the shell laying shattered

A vague shape torn and tattered.

Stronger than before even in its weakest form

Broken but Ready to weather the storm.

And now there is Purpose yes there is poise

Against the wind and… deafening noise.

It’s Time to venture out into the wild

Its time I killed the child

By Rahul Thomas

Finally found its place.

 I had always felt that I was alone
I had never said it… but I had always known
People crowded around me to watch as it hurt to smile
Misunderstood and disjointed… id been broken for a while

I had dreamt of a world beyond the one so plain
A place where my dark heart wouldn’t live in vain
But time like the world is often unkind
A misinformed reality, that drove me blind.

I had forgotten all I wanted the world to be
 it had no need for the dreamer in me
And As I realized this I slumped to the floor
Defeated and self-loathing till you walked thru my door

And as the room lit up and it was never the same
And something happened when you called my name
And In those moments I felt the spark
Like a flare in the unknown when I was lost in the dark.

There was something beyond that smile you had
a warmth and kindness that made me feel glad
And It drew me nearer, I just had to know more
About the girl whose light, had touched my core.

 As the days went by I was surprised to see
All that the world had forsaken in me
for in her eyes was my truth of old
in the Shards of a broken mirror that had now grown cold

Hers was a life just below her surface
an ocean whose depth was not without purpose
and in her words each day, another piece was found
Another piece that forever, my soul to hers did bound.

Now my world is as it should be, this is true
Found In a love beyond the great big blue
My heart longs to be, in her warm loving light
The last love story, I’d ever want to write

She’s now my muse in a world so grey
The reason I find the words to say
That across the land beyond time and space
My heart has finally found its place.

                                               - Rahul Thomas

STORM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESFANzZTdYM

the life of a candle.

We often fear what we cannot see

It’s why we stick together you and me

We see in each other, what we cannot see in ourselves

Trapped in our own darkness, our own personal hell

But I can see your light as you see mine

Afraid no longer my handle in thine

I know not how long I will walk this earth

But our life drips away from our moment of birth

I know I share this light out of fear

But in hopes that others soon would draw near

And share their light when mine burns out

A candle in life…..forever in doubt

The ROAD

I run a road that is common to all.
Black and white...big and small.
Its is a road that i run...and i run blind.
Searching for an end... i cannot find.

I dare not stop,for it might be near.
That others may find it, is what i fear.
But as i go... i see them fight.
Kicking and screaming with all their might.

Fighting for an end...they know little about.
Only rumours and assumptions, but i have my doubts.
The road does not care what happens to you.
Only that you run it....and enjoy the view.

For the road is long.and its forever short.
Cause you only live for so long...and its all weve got.
Every choice you make has a cost.
Every happy memory...every moment lost.

I hope that wisdom may lend you its power.
To choose then wisely before the hour.
To run, walk ,skip or play.
Or to stop in your tracks...i cannot say.

I could tell you... what you should do
But that would be my assumption...and i havent a clue.
But know i want to travel... distances that i havent seen
And visit places ... i havent been.

I want to tell you... all the things ive learnt.
All the sleeepless nights... all the candles burnt
And i could do so...if youd only listen..
To my words...that with hope..do glisten.

But i wont compel you...and you cannot follow
For my words are cruel...and callously hollow.
Your journey is your own..for you to lead
And should not be bound...by selfish greed.

Learn that you are different....in your experience to mine
And that it is indeed as unique...as the finest of wine
Know that you are different and in no small measure.
That our fates did intertwine...was indeed my pleasure.

All i ask in turn... is that you open your mind.
For every experience is one of a kind.
That every step takes you further than the last
That youll always look ahead...and never in the past.

This road takes...far more than it gives
And none is more important...than how you choose to live
For the end will come...and you will never see
What was important...was the journey.

- Rahul Thomas

Realizations on real relationships

There are times in life.....where you feel beaten down and unsure of yourself....about who you are...where you stand...what you like...what you know you don't like......even about the things you thought you knew about your life....but now are just not sure of anymore.....

times that make you wonder....if whether what you thought you knew about your self....was just something ....you created.....from what everyone else thought they wanted....

lately ive been going through bit of a rough phase.....one in which everything i thought i knew........was turned upside down....and now am finding myself having to start from scratch....

its not the first time its happened.....and it certainly isn't gonna be the last.....

at times like these....i  try and....get some space between me and the world.....and try to figure things out.....disappear...vanish...just be alone for a while....amongst a bunch of strangers....hiding behind the tears of a clown....in hopes that no one sees past my smile.

times like these....i cant stand being around the people i care about.....i find it hard to understand why the people i know....trust in me the way they do....why some people care about me more than i think they should....why they trust in my judgment...despite all the times Ive taken them for granted...and it scares me to be around these people...for they see past my smile and false confidence....and trust in someone who they think they know.....they trust in who i am....more than id be able to trust myself sometimes....and that scares me ...for ...how can you trust someone you do not know?....even if....that person was....you.

id gone in circles searching for myself...when the ans was right in front of me all along....

for this time....when my world burned down....something remained.....it wasnt much ....but it was enough.....to help me understand....that its from the people who care about you....that you indeed learn the most about yourself from........when i let them in...when i pulled closer...instead of pushing away......when i let my guard down...and just let it happen......i learnt that i indeed had something to offer....something more than i realized i did....more than i thought i could....i realized why i mattered

....which is an unbelievable feeling......to know...that there is no one...in the rest of the world to be more qualified to be you..to the people you care about....than you...reading it is one thing....feeling it is quite another....and when you realize....that there are over a 4billion different people on the planet...its a pretty big damn deal....its like knowing.....your gonna win the lottery....cause there's only one ticket...and you have it.

that being said.....its weird how all people evolve the same way...as do their relationships...its why some last more than others....and some always seem to stay the same....in either case...youll never know...about your relationships...or about yourself...by retreating into yourself...lifes to short to be afraid to be open about it...

i know now...and it took me while to really understand.....that its the relationships that build you up....instead of tear you down....those that transpire time...and distance...those that feel easy...and not a forced chore in any way..the ones that don't command you to follow...but guide you...and are still there if you falter.... are indeed the ones that matter....and probably the ones who get you closer to knowing who you really are as a person.

that being said....how do you know the difference between the relationships that matter...from the ones...that are just a waste of your time....the funny thing is....as is the case with most things in life that we tend to complicate....its pretty simple really....



Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.- Anthony Robbins.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.  ~Oprah Winfrey



A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. - Leo F. Buscaglia



I feel anything that falls short of what is mentioned in the above quotes is not worth your time....



I think the greatest thing you could receive from someone is the feeling of being accepted for who you are...without judgment...and being cared about in spite of your flaws....and it the most amazing thing ever.....which im ashamed to say ive taken for granted.. ..for way too long....im lucky enough to have people like that in my life....who make me feel like....and want to be a better person for..,..so that one day...i may be there to repay the kindness they have shown me....it is our differences that make us stronger....the fact that we can compensate....for each other....as and when we falter....is our greatest strength.....a strength i had underestimated...but will never do so again.

-Rahul Thomas

Mother and Child

(this one started out as a favor for an aunt and her magazine....but was a lot harder than i thought it would be...and gave me a pretty interesting and challenging view point to deal with......this was the result....)

I heard stories of what this would be like
All the dirty diapers, all the sleepless nights
I heard about the pain, you were going to put me through
And how I’d always be fascinated…by your tiny shoes…

I heard about all the things.. I’d have to compromise
And listened to all the things that would… make me wise….
I heard about how….you were going to make me cry
And about …all the times… I’d probably wonder…. WHY?!!!

But all those things I thought i feared
None were more terrifying than when you appeared
 But all those things id heard before you were born..
 Melted away…an early Sunday morn…

And I stared in wonder, I stared in awe
At the cute little brown ball…I saw
All that fuss over something so small
Something that couldn’t walk something that couldn’t crawl

With your little hands, and your little feet
That big gorgeous smile with no little teeth
Those big brown eyes….with cheeks so red…
Those tiny little hairs on that tiny little head

In that moment I knew what it was all about
Yes indeed….i had no doubt
I knew I’d love you the rest of my life
Through moments of joy…and moments of strife

As I held you close in my arms
I knew I’d never let you come to harm
And Right then I knew it was worth my while
Right there...in that moment…..  mother and child

-Rahul Thomas



 

Funny the way it is...when you think about it...

Every time you think you know the ans....just when you think you've got it all figured out.....no matter what you've read....about anyone...or anything.....over the thousands of years we've been on this little blue planet.....life will continue to surprise you....in no small way....and in ways yet to be written about.....

a couple months ago....i thought i knew what i wanted....what was right....and what i thought i knew was wrong....i had made my assumptions about the people in my life......about those id chosen to stand beside me....those ive had the privilege of knowing......and about the things i expect outta my life....but the word expect has got to be the most ill thought of word when your thinking about the rest of your life.....

Its funny how we plan our lives .....in 5 years ...we will have this....we will be doin that......and were so certain of it.....and we assume that when were done.....with our planned out journeys to the grave......wed know the ans.....cause thats how long we think....it takes to really grow up.....unfortunately....it aint that simple.....its the unexpected that define who we are.....makes us reach deep down...and revamp everything we thought we knew....

Now im not saying don't plan.....don't dream....don't want....that's just nuts...we all want everything life has to offer.....i know i do......all im saying is....if you think the unexpected stuff wasnt imp...that it was just there to make your life harder....or more complicated....your really missing out.....there's an old saying.....

"No expectations ;No disappointments."

I never really understood what that meant.....i always thought it was more like an escapist kinda thing....if you never expect anything of your life.....you'd be happy with whatever you got.....

Cause when you think about it.....it just doesnt make sense.....if you dont know where you wanna go in life....how you gonna move forward.....you cant just wait for everything to happen to you...but...

I think i finally get it now....and ive been goin about it all wrong......the thing is if you live your life within that framework of what you expect......you limiting what life has to offer.....and what you can get outta it....you gotta want it all......and mean it all.......equally......not just the good stuff.....everything......you gotta accept for what it is.....not hide it......dont bury it....feel it....and ... know.....that....that moment.....in no small way....contributes....to that sweet rich tapestry of emotional carnage.....which your gonna remember.....the scars you'd have healed from...the joys youve shared....and everything in between...that makes that amazing rainbow of 14 shades of grey.....cause that's what real living is....there are no expectations....when you live in the unexpected...when your willing to risk it all....everyday...and...just live in the mystery....its not about the end....its about the journey.

I think its that understanding that helps you live with the choices you've made.....and not be disappointed with them as your moving forward...my recent past...has showed me more about life......than everything ive done up unto this point....and it all started with something amazingly unexpected.

What i do know....is.....come what may......im not gonna end where i started from.....but i also cant think of a better feeling......than not knowing how things are gonna turn out...or whats gonna come my way.

its funny the way it is.....when you think about it....

Before It Can Be Wiser.

I look at my mirror
and all my days seem gray
i can feel it all around me
and yet its words....i cannot say

My food,my drink...have lost their tastes
they all seem.....rather bland
and colors all seem faded
lost as they touch my hand

I feel it deep within me
and it eats me...from where it stays
feeling broken down and beaten
as with my heart...it plays.

If i dare....to try and stop it,
i know i try in vain
if i smile and try to avoid it,
my soul....it would choose to stain.

So i conceal it with conceit
and put on my heart... a seal
hiding it by many masks
i cannot let it feel.

So in my thoughts i live each day
i leave behind....all that lingers
watching over the world...in absence
as sand slips through my fingers

They tell me... time is a healer
and this...i hope is true
for these wounds run deep within me
and im afraid theyve....gone right through

Her smile is my only solace
and to my memory...it ties her.
so...how many times must a heart break
before it can be wiser ?.

-By Rahul Thomas

love the ans ...or the problem?

i was looking back on my past loves.....my love of life.....and stuff i had.... done...and not done for those loves...or in spite of those loves.....and found my self getting rather confused.....this emotion has got to be one of the greatest paradoxes that have ever existed....and I'm talking about....in forever and ever....and that's a really long time...


So the purpose of this article is too dissect love.....for better o worse....:D....yes read on dear people ...for you are about to see something rather special....my humble take on this rather....deep...and misunderstood emotion.


What is love?.....when i was smaller.......i used to think it was more along the lines ...or boy meets girl....girl meets boy....they fall in love....and live happily ever after.....when i got a little older....this wasn't quite....well...er... exactly the case.....boy meets girl....boy falls in love....girl says "hell no!!"....and boy learns tough love....yes the world is a cruel place.....but moving past my obvious smooth as sandpaper approach to women...and wounded manhood\ego........i learned i wasn't the only one confused....in fact...there are books....poems....that dictate and elaborate its intricacies... there are entire industries based on it......billion dollar industries obsessing over this emotion...what it means....how complicated it can get....how to get it......and generally just making money of the drama it creates in peoples lives.


You have people telling you what you should do...should n do....what you should say....how you should dress.....how you should walk, talk....the psychology behind the approach...the anxiety....and I'm like.....arrrrgh....when did all this get so complicated.....our ancestors just banged each other on the head with clubs and did it...that was love......and even back then....for them.....it probably seemed ridiculously complicated.


Now as complicated as all this seems....the truth is....its only a small part of it.....in fact....its not even the surface of this emotion....not even close...


John Lennon once said:


"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it"


Now he was talking about real love.....and real love is hard work.....its an understanding......its not about the chocolate....the gifts.....and all that stuff in between...that's been commercializing it....its the love between the a mother and a child.....its unconditional.....its that feeling when your with a friend who understands you....its that feeling of being connected....even though...your miles away....from someone you care about....its love for your country...all this being said...even if i tried...there is just... no way i could list them all.....but i do know its......its often found....in the things we take for granted everyday....and that's Lennon's message......you need......realize its there.....all around you.... then learn to care for it....nurture it....and in time it'll grow....though...in ways you might not fully understand.


That being said.....love also has a much darker side to it....which is often ignored...mainly because it isn't as pleasing as its counterpart...its pushed aside......but like two sides of a coin....or the opposite sides of a magnet...one isn't complete without the other........for each pulls in a different direction...... making this emotion ....what it....truly is.


For love....with its ability to truly mesmerize us....and make our lives seem....a lot less ordinary.....often also brings out the worst in us.....wars have been fought...people have died.....families separated....each event....fueling this horrific tale.....of one love being sacrificed for another......where our anger,jealousy.....indecision,confusion.....all leave their trails of destruction .....and yet....we stand mystified by it........drawn in by this profound illusion that the world is a better place....because our actions were done......in love.....an emotion mind you.....has no bounds when it comes to bringing people together....or ripping them apart entirely....


So all this being said....is love the ans?...can love truly conquer all?....bring about world peace?and an understanding of humanity?.....in my opinion.....no...i believe love changes the world everyday...but not in ways...we think it should....it has no master....but never the less....we all need love.......we need it....to justify our own methods....we need it....to justify our existence....for even happiness doesn't become real....unless it is shared....we need love to be able to share our lives.......even if it is in pain....for even pain can be shared.....and that's what its all about....sharing...


The true purpose of love....no matter how you look at it......to let us know....we are not alone....that we are all connected somehow.......and because we know this.....and can take comfort in it.....we ignore....its evils.....for they are necessary in the great scheme of things......just like we know....the same gravity that holds us to the planet....that keeps us from floating out into space..... is also the same gravity that dented newtons skull....so love isn't the ans....nor....is it the problem......it is merely a facilitator of existence.


as for our troubles....


a great french philosopher.....once said....


."rather than love,fame,fairness,wealth,....give me truth."


and it is truth....not love....that will change our circumstances.

All Is As It Should Be....

i find my self starin at a blank wall and yet...for some strange reason i find myself so completely amused....as i travel to those deep spaces in the back of my mind....to that dark place where you dont really know up from down...where everything is a blur...and yet....all is as it should be.....

and as strange as it probably sounds to you.....there will come a point in your life....where you will learn of this place again...for this place is not new...it had only been forgotten......a place...where there is no wrong or right....and where morality,reality.....seem altogether twisted....hidden by lies you've fed yourself to keep your own conscience at bay.

and yet....all is as it should be.....this is a dangerous place....where even the ideal tend to falter.... it is in this Grey area...that you truly lose yourself....and in doing so....are reborn.

refreshed...by a new understanding....of what it means to be human....what it means to share a life......to need....and be needed.....to just let go......and live in the mystery of this experience...rather than fear it....to accept our differences as individuals......and to learn from them....rather than to condemn them.

but this is no new truth....people have spoken about it for eons....and yet...we choose to remain...why?

cause ironically.... the very people on the path to enlightenment.....are unknowingly the same....that stop this understanding from becoming a reality......and unfortunately this process will continue indefinitely....as it has for centuries....

so if you find yourself lost at some point in your life.......know that....... all is as it should be.


the truth...unlike fiction.....does not have to make sense.

the dilemma of change and relationships

today morning despite being a complete waste of my time....actually gave way to a pretty interesting discussion....that may have life changing implications.....ooooo....ahhhh

change and relationships









i was watching a movie the other day....equilibrium....its was about how the world had to suppress emotion through a drug called prozium....cause people could n be trusted with their emotions....as they led to violence and hate....which eventually destroyed the world.

there were also these other people who refused to take the drug...known as "sense offenders".. .the disagreement then sparked the revolt under which most of this movie revolved around...according to the sense offenders....getting rid of emotions..though solving a major problem.... also meant getting rid of a lot of other things such as compassion....joy...sorrow....and all such emotions that made them human....and individuals in their own right.

but what struck me was what one of the main characters said....

"in order for others to enjoy the privilege of emotion....there are a few of us who have to give it up"

and this sent me on a whole new line of thought....

as a person...a citizen of earth...i have never really been content about the way things were going....wars, poverty....all stemming from an educational system....that requires some serious revamping.

which i intend to do something about...cause it must be done...and no one seems stepping up to do anything about it.

it is a known fact that those in power rarely have many rewarding relationships with the people around them...none of the greats have ever mentioned their loving family life....even Gandhi was never a real father to his own son....and i guess that's why the prospect of changing the world is so neglected....cause it calls for someone to take up a higher self.....who has the courage and the foresight to do what is required...when it is required....and in the process make some immense sacrifices for the benefit of tomorrow.....forgoing your own personal happiness.

....and i know....if i am to go the path i want to......there are going to be some really hard sacrifices that i would have to make....through the people i might disappoint..like family or....friends...and so on.

the other extreme.....is to be completely involved with self fulfillment....and enlightenment.....which means forgoing the world itself in return for universal understanding...and eternal happiness.

the middle however...is the path most chosen....a balance between the two...which never really reaches anywhere....but is a balance between the two....where attributes of the extremes meet....working and pulling in opposite directions....till it eventually levels off in the middle..

eg....you could forgo some of your own happiness for your children s benefit.....but at the same time are able to create and nurture relationships....as well as have time to get back to your self.

history however remembers those who are brave enough to venture to either one of the extremes.

do i want fulfilling relationships....yes....do i want to change the world .....yes.....can i have both....?i dont think you could...but....that is the essence of this dilemma.

i know...it is human nature to want it all....but something is only as valuable as the sacrifices made in attaining it....something that is easy to attain looses its value....and is plain and mundane...now with that in mind i want you to consider a life....in terms of its value.

how could you measure the value of a mans life....

i say

"the life of a man is measured by all those who've measured their lives by his".

so what path will i take....?....will i be like the sun? there....to burn and fade away?....or will i be like the red giants....that burn only for a short while but are forever remembered as they go out in a super nova....paving the way for new creation....

kurt cobain the lead singer of nirvana once said...."it is better to burn out....than to fade away"


maybe theres some truth in that....but is it worth the cost?.....to be remembered as a legend among those whove never known you personally....or a hero in the eyes of the few who really matter to you?....to change the world....to make it a better place for everyone?or leave the world to its own devices...tolerating its excuses?

if you could change the world.....if you really knew how......would you leave the thought behind....hoping that the next person....would eventually figure it out and do it?

could you take that chance?

could you sleep at night.....knowing that you could have changed this world....and yet stood idle and watched it burn?

history answers that question....we are agents of our own destruction....and we are completely oblivious to it....until it starts affecting us adversely.Only in hindsight do we see the error of our ways....we are not rational creatures....we are rationalising creatures....we analyse events after they happen....rather than before they happen.

only a handful.....have done differently....giving everything for a better tommorow....which we take for granted.

i dont know what the future brings.....but i do know now.......that when i go out.....id like to go out....like the giants that changed the course of history....and made my world a better place.

Hollow Roses

the world sees the mask
and it is at peace
the withered leaves and thorns ignored
its beauty never ceased.

no one can see the pain
for it is hidden
the heart of the hollow rose bleeds
but to say so.... is forbidden.

we live in silence
slaves to time
we live in our own memories
lives that intertwine.

we know this much
but it still plagues us so
to leave this mask behind
and our true face to show

we will grow old together
and yet die alone
never really understanding
never really being known

if we could only live from within
and much less from without
we would indeed be happier
yes without a doubt.

-Rahul Thomas.

arranged marriages.....hmmmm

In case the title hadn't given it away i thought id take a moment to ponder and ramble on a little tradition of ours......arranged marriages.



(i thought..id...play my tiny violin...just to add a little mood music)

its funny that....in our "modern" society.....where we boast about our advances in technology...and cultural understanding...that the country with supposedly some of the most intelligent people on the planet....er.....hmm....or well......maybe....just the most people on the planet......we've reduced the romance.......that poets have spent their whole lives contemplating to .........the size of someones bank account....and face value.

["i think that i shall never see
a bank account as lovely as thee
with your numbers and your many zeros
you truly are....my hero

i have searched far and wide
for someone with joint checking to abide
my parents tell me....were meant to be
i guess its destiny."]

(a little something of my own making)

but when i think about it....for a country who's people used to choose their professions like... inee minee minenee mo...your an engineer,doctor or accountant

........it wouldn really be hard to understand why another one of life's most imp decisions
would obviously require the exact same skill and tact...

but marriage...today....seems more like your average trip to the supermarket..i mean...think about it.....when you buy a product...you check out the date of manufacture,..whos the manufacturer?is it a brand name?does it have adequate after sale service?...are there any special offers?...is the product defective?does it look good?

.....(talk about the other extreme of the idealized version huh :D).....its funny how....seemingly deeper more important qualities are left to chance...id like to think those would seem more important...

questions like

....what car does he drive?....where would he live?....how much does he earn?....whats his skin color?....are they a well to do family?is his right toe bigger than his left one?

....for some twisted reason seem more important than..

..is he well mannered?...does he respect women?.....would he genuinely care for her?....does he like wearing women s clothing?is his idea of fun farting in public?...is the woman outgoing?is she caring?does she have a sense of humor?does she seem stuck up?does she grow weed in her backyard?....

then again...im sure.....that the family only wants whats best for the girl or guy involved...er...um...superficially...atleast....you know what i really think....i think.....the family only really wants whats best for the family....the opinions of the people involved hardly ever matter much....its more like a game of marital monopoly really...only the number of players rolling the dice are more than there should be.....and theres also a pretty good chance that none of them are either the bride or the groom.

.....the only real question....would be asked.....after the twenty minute meeting between the two to be wed....and the question being...

".do you feel repulsed by them?" (i kid you not....that was the question my aunt asked my cousin sister just before she was made to choose the guy she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with).

(as if you could be repulsed by a person, whos supposed to be on his\her best behavior..having not known them before....in less time than it takes to make a decent cup of coffee..)

....if your not completely repulsed by them....you could indeed spend the rest of your life with them...lol(..how completely bizarre is that really?...i wouldn even buy a shirt unless i actually liked it....leave alone contemplate whether.... i wasn't completely feeling repulsed by it...

"i dont completely hate it.....so itll do....i guess"

i heard marriage was hard....and now i know why....you spend the first half tolerating the person.....and the rest contemplating the phrase...till death do us part.

As unfortunate as the concept of an arranged marriage seems to me rite now......and im sure to a great many people out there...a real pain in the arse....

.....In the Indian context it is in fact "the holy grail".....and is seen as the reward for all those unfortunate men...who've spent most of their adult lives behind their books.....worrying about money....a kind of modern day light at the end of a very very long tunnel....a sort of compensation that they expect from their parents.....in return for everything they were expected to do and put through....as responsible adults\children......while everyone else was living out their younger years.

"ah....your 30 now...my baby is all grown up.....now its time to pass on the torch....to another capable independent woman...who follows instructions and listens to every word i say..."

(sometimes im not sure....whether any of us are really ever....fully allowed to grow up)

as much as i hate the concept of an arranged marriage for.... damaging peoples understanding of the depth and range of emotions involved in such a commitment...beyond its financial implications....and.....the sheer number of people who are suffering as a result of it......ill have to admit.... it is....in our country an unavoidable unchangeable equalizer..(i say equalizer....cause all other factors would eventually melt down to financial security)....and is probably and unfortunately gonna be there for a while....especially in our country...not because its the right way of doing it....but because it is easier.....and relies on factors that are logically and quantifiably measurable.....and easier to control.....than of those that aren't...(and also i find its because tradition dictates so....and living outside tradition would affect the reputation of the family..which is a very important factor in the arranged process)....but the factors that are often outside your control....are also often the most important....and could decide the course of the marriage for better or worse...i think its important to remember that.


In the end....i guess it all depends on whether your a conformist..willing to listen and do everything being told to you...in the hopes that maybe other people know better than you do.....or willing to take a chance.....question tradition...or maybe just question in general...from your own point of view....your own thoughts...and preferences....rather than someone Else's...

i say....keep questioning....you might just learn something new.

- Rahul Thomas

I don’t feel pain


The loss of a loved one is a scary thing
Yet all I want to do is laugh and sing
And although this might seem a little more than plain
I can assure you I am perfectly sane

The passing of the soul into the realm of the unknown,
Is something beautiful and should be shown
for i believe it is something romantic
And quite far from something tragic.

But the more I think about it
the more I find
That loss is indeed a teacher
However unkind.

Cause If loss wasn’t such an ugly affair
people wouldn’t really learn to care
They wouldn’t cherish the little things
And all the joys life with it brings

They wouldn’t be content with lives they lead
And may never really understand what it is they need.
So the way I see it we have much to gain
And that is why
I don’t feel pain...


- By Rahul Thomas.

Cycles of violence

The media portrays it as the only way
The only way to be heard today
Though the more its used
The more its abused

We generate our own cycles of hate
In hopes that it would change the present state
In hopes that it would bring about a form of order
When we terrorize each other’s borders.

If we could see that the hippies were right
If we could learn that we need not fight
that Everyone had the right to be heard
But then again I speak of a perfect world

I cannot stop what has begun
I cannot for I am but one
but If i could change the world.. I would
But we can…and I think we should

Its time to know we can change fate
Its time to know…before its too late
Way beyond the lost peace of silence
We’ve created our own cycles of violence.

-by Rahul Thomas

You could.but…i don’t want you to


The world is harsh…. the world is cruel
But to live carefully, shouldn’t be the thumb of rule
Life has to be experienced, as it should be
Without wondering what it could be

I know its just that you cared
But you cannot always live scared
You cannot doubt and live in fear
Whenever things seem a little unclear

You cannot protect me all the time
Its what makes my experience mine
i can take care of myself
and im not a book you can keep on your shelf

You cannot always hold my hand when i'm afraid
You cannot help save me from the mistakes i've made
You can’t protect me from the harsh world outside
You could…. but I don’t want to run and hide

I know you worry all the while
and All I want is to see you smile
but you have to learn to let me go
its just something I think you should know

i hope youll try and understand
that its ok for me to leave your hand
its ok for me to do this alone
ill always know my way back home

but this is something i have to do
and yes i did take my running shoes
ill always love you ma
you've helped me along this far

please dont run after me
ill be back some day youll see
you cant always protect me from the world so blue
you could...but i dont want you too

- Rahul Thomas

Will you?

Ever had moment that changes your perspective
More than a dream, a change in directive
Ive been thinking about the world so long
How things were a mess and going all wrong

About how life and people…would never change
it Seems so certain…and yet so strange
our lives can be both weapons and instruments of peace
capable of great good and a violence that will never cease.

but among the two we choose the latter
to prove our point in this world of matter
our humanity as it is, was forged in blood
the lines that divide us, those drawn in mud

the reason we cant revert to what made us good
are the same reasons, we all think we should
we don’t always do, whatever we say
maybe its just too hard…but in either way

its just a matter of time till world stumbles
till life as we know it begins to crumble
and there’s nothing we can do but wait and hope
that we would survive, that we would learn to cope.

They say that we evolve when were at the brink
when were at the end and there’s no time to think
I think that time is close a hand
When we all finally learn to understand

when we see we can be more than ourselves
way beyond that of heaven and hell
a leap in consciousness is what I mean
something more than we’ve ever been

this change will come....but at a price
and it wont be pleasant, no.. it wont be nice
for the night is darkest before the dawn
and a storms its worst before its gone.

The time is coming and I bid thee well
And I hope you see past this morbid tell
I hope you learn to look for more
And venture beyond all known shores…

For I might not be here when the world turns a new
But then again…will you?….

-By Rahul Thomas

Not just yet

How do i leave a memory behind?

that eternal torment that plagues my mind

I want to forget but it will not let me be

im Chained by her memory, I cannot be free.

for Her perfume still lingers, oh…I remember it well

with Her smile so lovely… it cast a spell

I still feel her touch upon my skin

and I remember those eyes as they pierced within.

I want to forget…or at least…I think I should

I want to forget…but I don’t think I could

Its this pain, this loss so….divine

It seems unfair….And yet its mine.

I know what I’ve lost…and it was worthwhile

And ill never forget how I made her smile

Her memory serves as a reminder of what love means

A feeling far deeper than what it seems.

Her memory and mine

Will forever intertwine…

And I could forget

But….not just yet.

by Rahul Thomas

If you could live forever... would you really want to?

i stood there on the edge of my time
as it all slowed down in the back of my mind
and I saw my life for what it was
an empty shell, a lost cause

but my time was up and I could not change a thing
there would be no more laughter, and no one would sing
I would never feel the warm summer breeze
Nor smell the flowers as they whispered through the trees

I wished for more…but this was all I had
And it seemed so final, so iron clad
I never thought I was ever going to die
I always had more time…i didnt know why.

But if I had my wish and I lived forever
Would it really be now or never?
Would these moment mean as much
Would I really miss, all as such?

Id be doomed to watch the ones I love
As they disappeared to the world above
Id see them in their last moments of life
And carry with me all their moments of strife

Id cherish their moments more than mine
And id tire of people in the course of time
Id hate, that they were all so vain
When id give anything, to feel their pain.

When you feel nothing you cease to exist
Your always in the background…like vapor or mist
you search for the one thing you can never find
and walk these halls as a shadow in time

for what you long for in this unearthly quest
is the only just reward ,an eternity of rest
you wish to rest among the dead
and live out pleasant memories all the words you said.

To be reunited with all those you’ve lost
The ones whose memories were worth the cost
Cause The smells, the sounds all seem clearer
And all feelings as death draws nearer.

and to me they seemed more important than the bags gold
The infinite riches from the things ive sold
And in that moment I finally had…peace
As my life left my body
and I dropped to my knees.

I could have lived forever…this is true
But If you could.....would you really want to?

- by Rahul Thomas