the dilemma of change and relationships

today morning despite being a complete waste of my time....actually gave way to a pretty interesting discussion....that may have life changing implications.....ooooo....ahhhh

change and relationships









i was watching a movie the other day....equilibrium....its was about how the world had to suppress emotion through a drug called prozium....cause people could n be trusted with their emotions....as they led to violence and hate....which eventually destroyed the world.

there were also these other people who refused to take the drug...known as "sense offenders".. .the disagreement then sparked the revolt under which most of this movie revolved around...according to the sense offenders....getting rid of emotions..though solving a major problem.... also meant getting rid of a lot of other things such as compassion....joy...sorrow....and all such emotions that made them human....and individuals in their own right.

but what struck me was what one of the main characters said....

"in order for others to enjoy the privilege of emotion....there are a few of us who have to give it up"

and this sent me on a whole new line of thought....

as a person...a citizen of earth...i have never really been content about the way things were going....wars, poverty....all stemming from an educational system....that requires some serious revamping.

which i intend to do something about...cause it must be done...and no one seems stepping up to do anything about it.

it is a known fact that those in power rarely have many rewarding relationships with the people around them...none of the greats have ever mentioned their loving family life....even Gandhi was never a real father to his own son....and i guess that's why the prospect of changing the world is so neglected....cause it calls for someone to take up a higher self.....who has the courage and the foresight to do what is required...when it is required....and in the process make some immense sacrifices for the benefit of tomorrow.....forgoing your own personal happiness.

....and i know....if i am to go the path i want to......there are going to be some really hard sacrifices that i would have to make....through the people i might disappoint..like family or....friends...and so on.

the other extreme.....is to be completely involved with self fulfillment....and enlightenment.....which means forgoing the world itself in return for universal understanding...and eternal happiness.

the middle however...is the path most chosen....a balance between the two...which never really reaches anywhere....but is a balance between the two....where attributes of the extremes meet....working and pulling in opposite directions....till it eventually levels off in the middle..

eg....you could forgo some of your own happiness for your children s benefit.....but at the same time are able to create and nurture relationships....as well as have time to get back to your self.

history however remembers those who are brave enough to venture to either one of the extremes.

do i want fulfilling relationships....yes....do i want to change the world .....yes.....can i have both....?i dont think you could...but....that is the essence of this dilemma.

i know...it is human nature to want it all....but something is only as valuable as the sacrifices made in attaining it....something that is easy to attain looses its value....and is plain and mundane...now with that in mind i want you to consider a life....in terms of its value.

how could you measure the value of a mans life....

i say

"the life of a man is measured by all those who've measured their lives by his".

so what path will i take....?....will i be like the sun? there....to burn and fade away?....or will i be like the red giants....that burn only for a short while but are forever remembered as they go out in a super nova....paving the way for new creation....

kurt cobain the lead singer of nirvana once said...."it is better to burn out....than to fade away"


maybe theres some truth in that....but is it worth the cost?.....to be remembered as a legend among those whove never known you personally....or a hero in the eyes of the few who really matter to you?....to change the world....to make it a better place for everyone?or leave the world to its own devices...tolerating its excuses?

if you could change the world.....if you really knew how......would you leave the thought behind....hoping that the next person....would eventually figure it out and do it?

could you take that chance?

could you sleep at night.....knowing that you could have changed this world....and yet stood idle and watched it burn?

history answers that question....we are agents of our own destruction....and we are completely oblivious to it....until it starts affecting us adversely.Only in hindsight do we see the error of our ways....we are not rational creatures....we are rationalising creatures....we analyse events after they happen....rather than before they happen.

only a handful.....have done differently....giving everything for a better tommorow....which we take for granted.

i dont know what the future brings.....but i do know now.......that when i go out.....id like to go out....like the giants that changed the course of history....and made my world a better place.

Hollow Roses

the world sees the mask
and it is at peace
the withered leaves and thorns ignored
its beauty never ceased.

no one can see the pain
for it is hidden
the heart of the hollow rose bleeds
but to say so.... is forbidden.

we live in silence
slaves to time
we live in our own memories
lives that intertwine.

we know this much
but it still plagues us so
to leave this mask behind
and our true face to show

we will grow old together
and yet die alone
never really understanding
never really being known

if we could only live from within
and much less from without
we would indeed be happier
yes without a doubt.

-Rahul Thomas.

arranged marriages.....hmmmm

In case the title hadn't given it away i thought id take a moment to ponder and ramble on a little tradition of ours......arranged marriages.



(i thought..id...play my tiny violin...just to add a little mood music)

its funny that....in our "modern" society.....where we boast about our advances in technology...and cultural understanding...that the country with supposedly some of the most intelligent people on the planet....er.....hmm....or well......maybe....just the most people on the planet......we've reduced the romance.......that poets have spent their whole lives contemplating to .........the size of someones bank account....and face value.

["i think that i shall never see
a bank account as lovely as thee
with your numbers and your many zeros
you truly are....my hero

i have searched far and wide
for someone with joint checking to abide
my parents tell me....were meant to be
i guess its destiny."]

(a little something of my own making)

but when i think about it....for a country who's people used to choose their professions like... inee minee minenee mo...your an engineer,doctor or accountant

........it wouldn really be hard to understand why another one of life's most imp decisions
would obviously require the exact same skill and tact...

but marriage...today....seems more like your average trip to the supermarket..i mean...think about it.....when you buy a product...you check out the date of manufacture,..whos the manufacturer?is it a brand name?does it have adequate after sale service?...are there any special offers?...is the product defective?does it look good?

.....(talk about the other extreme of the idealized version huh :D).....its funny how....seemingly deeper more important qualities are left to chance...id like to think those would seem more important...

questions like

....what car does he drive?....where would he live?....how much does he earn?....whats his skin color?....are they a well to do family?is his right toe bigger than his left one?

....for some twisted reason seem more important than..

..is he well mannered?...does he respect women?.....would he genuinely care for her?....does he like wearing women s clothing?is his idea of fun farting in public?...is the woman outgoing?is she caring?does she have a sense of humor?does she seem stuck up?does she grow weed in her backyard?....

then again...im sure.....that the family only wants whats best for the girl or guy involved...er...um...superficially...atleast....you know what i really think....i think.....the family only really wants whats best for the family....the opinions of the people involved hardly ever matter much....its more like a game of marital monopoly really...only the number of players rolling the dice are more than there should be.....and theres also a pretty good chance that none of them are either the bride or the groom.

.....the only real question....would be asked.....after the twenty minute meeting between the two to be wed....and the question being...

".do you feel repulsed by them?" (i kid you not....that was the question my aunt asked my cousin sister just before she was made to choose the guy she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with).

(as if you could be repulsed by a person, whos supposed to be on his\her best behavior..having not known them before....in less time than it takes to make a decent cup of coffee..)

....if your not completely repulsed by them....you could indeed spend the rest of your life with them...lol(..how completely bizarre is that really?...i wouldn even buy a shirt unless i actually liked it....leave alone contemplate whether.... i wasn't completely feeling repulsed by it...

"i dont completely hate it.....so itll do....i guess"

i heard marriage was hard....and now i know why....you spend the first half tolerating the person.....and the rest contemplating the phrase...till death do us part.

As unfortunate as the concept of an arranged marriage seems to me rite now......and im sure to a great many people out there...a real pain in the arse....

.....In the Indian context it is in fact "the holy grail".....and is seen as the reward for all those unfortunate men...who've spent most of their adult lives behind their books.....worrying about money....a kind of modern day light at the end of a very very long tunnel....a sort of compensation that they expect from their parents.....in return for everything they were expected to do and put through....as responsible adults\children......while everyone else was living out their younger years.

"ah....your 30 now...my baby is all grown up.....now its time to pass on the torch....to another capable independent woman...who follows instructions and listens to every word i say..."

(sometimes im not sure....whether any of us are really ever....fully allowed to grow up)

as much as i hate the concept of an arranged marriage for.... damaging peoples understanding of the depth and range of emotions involved in such a commitment...beyond its financial implications....and.....the sheer number of people who are suffering as a result of it......ill have to admit.... it is....in our country an unavoidable unchangeable equalizer..(i say equalizer....cause all other factors would eventually melt down to financial security)....and is probably and unfortunately gonna be there for a while....especially in our country...not because its the right way of doing it....but because it is easier.....and relies on factors that are logically and quantifiably measurable.....and easier to control.....than of those that aren't...(and also i find its because tradition dictates so....and living outside tradition would affect the reputation of the family..which is a very important factor in the arranged process)....but the factors that are often outside your control....are also often the most important....and could decide the course of the marriage for better or worse...i think its important to remember that.


In the end....i guess it all depends on whether your a conformist..willing to listen and do everything being told to you...in the hopes that maybe other people know better than you do.....or willing to take a chance.....question tradition...or maybe just question in general...from your own point of view....your own thoughts...and preferences....rather than someone Else's...

i say....keep questioning....you might just learn something new.

- Rahul Thomas

I don’t feel pain


The loss of a loved one is a scary thing
Yet all I want to do is laugh and sing
And although this might seem a little more than plain
I can assure you I am perfectly sane

The passing of the soul into the realm of the unknown,
Is something beautiful and should be shown
for i believe it is something romantic
And quite far from something tragic.

But the more I think about it
the more I find
That loss is indeed a teacher
However unkind.

Cause If loss wasn’t such an ugly affair
people wouldn’t really learn to care
They wouldn’t cherish the little things
And all the joys life with it brings

They wouldn’t be content with lives they lead
And may never really understand what it is they need.
So the way I see it we have much to gain
And that is why
I don’t feel pain...


- By Rahul Thomas.

Cycles of violence

The media portrays it as the only way
The only way to be heard today
Though the more its used
The more its abused

We generate our own cycles of hate
In hopes that it would change the present state
In hopes that it would bring about a form of order
When we terrorize each other’s borders.

If we could see that the hippies were right
If we could learn that we need not fight
that Everyone had the right to be heard
But then again I speak of a perfect world

I cannot stop what has begun
I cannot for I am but one
but If i could change the world.. I would
But we can…and I think we should

Its time to know we can change fate
Its time to know…before its too late
Way beyond the lost peace of silence
We’ve created our own cycles of violence.

-by Rahul Thomas

You could.but…i don’t want you to


The world is harsh…. the world is cruel
But to live carefully, shouldn’t be the thumb of rule
Life has to be experienced, as it should be
Without wondering what it could be

I know its just that you cared
But you cannot always live scared
You cannot doubt and live in fear
Whenever things seem a little unclear

You cannot protect me all the time
Its what makes my experience mine
i can take care of myself
and im not a book you can keep on your shelf

You cannot always hold my hand when i'm afraid
You cannot help save me from the mistakes i've made
You can’t protect me from the harsh world outside
You could…. but I don’t want to run and hide

I know you worry all the while
and All I want is to see you smile
but you have to learn to let me go
its just something I think you should know

i hope youll try and understand
that its ok for me to leave your hand
its ok for me to do this alone
ill always know my way back home

but this is something i have to do
and yes i did take my running shoes
ill always love you ma
you've helped me along this far

please dont run after me
ill be back some day youll see
you cant always protect me from the world so blue
you could...but i dont want you too

- Rahul Thomas

Will you?

Ever had moment that changes your perspective
More than a dream, a change in directive
Ive been thinking about the world so long
How things were a mess and going all wrong

About how life and people…would never change
it Seems so certain…and yet so strange
our lives can be both weapons and instruments of peace
capable of great good and a violence that will never cease.

but among the two we choose the latter
to prove our point in this world of matter
our humanity as it is, was forged in blood
the lines that divide us, those drawn in mud

the reason we cant revert to what made us good
are the same reasons, we all think we should
we don’t always do, whatever we say
maybe its just too hard…but in either way

its just a matter of time till world stumbles
till life as we know it begins to crumble
and there’s nothing we can do but wait and hope
that we would survive, that we would learn to cope.

They say that we evolve when were at the brink
when were at the end and there’s no time to think
I think that time is close a hand
When we all finally learn to understand

when we see we can be more than ourselves
way beyond that of heaven and hell
a leap in consciousness is what I mean
something more than we’ve ever been

this change will come....but at a price
and it wont be pleasant, no.. it wont be nice
for the night is darkest before the dawn
and a storms its worst before its gone.

The time is coming and I bid thee well
And I hope you see past this morbid tell
I hope you learn to look for more
And venture beyond all known shores…

For I might not be here when the world turns a new
But then again…will you?….

-By Rahul Thomas