the life of a candle.

We often fear what we cannot see

It’s why we stick together you and me

We see in each other, what we cannot see in ourselves

Trapped in our own darkness, our own personal hell

But I can see your light as you see mine

Afraid no longer my handle in thine

I know not how long I will walk this earth

But our life drips away from our moment of birth

I know I share this light out of fear

But in hopes that others soon would draw near

And share their light when mine burns out

A candle in life…..forever in doubt

The ROAD

I run a road that is common to all.
Black and white...big and small.
Its is a road that i run...and i run blind.
Searching for an end... i cannot find.

I dare not stop,for it might be near.
That others may find it, is what i fear.
But as i go... i see them fight.
Kicking and screaming with all their might.

Fighting for an end...they know little about.
Only rumours and assumptions, but i have my doubts.
The road does not care what happens to you.
Only that you run it....and enjoy the view.

For the road is long.and its forever short.
Cause you only live for so long...and its all weve got.
Every choice you make has a cost.
Every happy memory...every moment lost.

I hope that wisdom may lend you its power.
To choose then wisely before the hour.
To run, walk ,skip or play.
Or to stop in your tracks...i cannot say.

I could tell you... what you should do
But that would be my assumption...and i havent a clue.
But know i want to travel... distances that i havent seen
And visit places ... i havent been.

I want to tell you... all the things ive learnt.
All the sleeepless nights... all the candles burnt
And i could do so...if youd only listen..
To my words...that with hope..do glisten.

But i wont compel you...and you cannot follow
For my words are cruel...and callously hollow.
Your journey is your own..for you to lead
And should not be bound...by selfish greed.

Learn that you are different....in your experience to mine
And that it is indeed as unique...as the finest of wine
Know that you are different and in no small measure.
That our fates did intertwine...was indeed my pleasure.

All i ask in turn... is that you open your mind.
For every experience is one of a kind.
That every step takes you further than the last
That youll always look ahead...and never in the past.

This road takes...far more than it gives
And none is more important...than how you choose to live
For the end will come...and you will never see
What was important...was the journey.

- Rahul Thomas

Realizations on real relationships

There are times in life.....where you feel beaten down and unsure of yourself....about who you are...where you stand...what you like...what you know you don't like......even about the things you thought you knew about your life....but now are just not sure of anymore.....

times that make you wonder....if whether what you thought you knew about your self....was just something ....you created.....from what everyone else thought they wanted....

lately ive been going through bit of a rough phase.....one in which everything i thought i knew........was turned upside down....and now am finding myself having to start from scratch....

its not the first time its happened.....and it certainly isn't gonna be the last.....

at times like these....i  try and....get some space between me and the world.....and try to figure things out.....disappear...vanish...just be alone for a while....amongst a bunch of strangers....hiding behind the tears of a clown....in hopes that no one sees past my smile.

times like these....i cant stand being around the people i care about.....i find it hard to understand why the people i know....trust in me the way they do....why some people care about me more than i think they should....why they trust in my judgment...despite all the times Ive taken them for granted...and it scares me to be around these people...for they see past my smile and false confidence....and trust in someone who they think they know.....they trust in who i am....more than id be able to trust myself sometimes....and that scares me ...for ...how can you trust someone you do not know?....even if....that person was....you.

id gone in circles searching for myself...when the ans was right in front of me all along....

for this time....when my world burned down....something remained.....it wasnt much ....but it was enough.....to help me understand....that its from the people who care about you....that you indeed learn the most about yourself from........when i let them in...when i pulled closer...instead of pushing away......when i let my guard down...and just let it happen......i learnt that i indeed had something to offer....something more than i realized i did....more than i thought i could....i realized why i mattered

....which is an unbelievable feeling......to know...that there is no one...in the rest of the world to be more qualified to be you..to the people you care about....than you...reading it is one thing....feeling it is quite another....and when you realize....that there are over a 4billion different people on the planet...its a pretty big damn deal....its like knowing.....your gonna win the lottery....cause there's only one ticket...and you have it.

that being said.....its weird how all people evolve the same way...as do their relationships...its why some last more than others....and some always seem to stay the same....in either case...youll never know...about your relationships...or about yourself...by retreating into yourself...lifes to short to be afraid to be open about it...

i know now...and it took me while to really understand.....that its the relationships that build you up....instead of tear you down....those that transpire time...and distance...those that feel easy...and not a forced chore in any way..the ones that don't command you to follow...but guide you...and are still there if you falter.... are indeed the ones that matter....and probably the ones who get you closer to knowing who you really are as a person.

that being said....how do you know the difference between the relationships that matter...from the ones...that are just a waste of your time....the funny thing is....as is the case with most things in life that we tend to complicate....its pretty simple really....



Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.- Anthony Robbins.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.  ~Oprah Winfrey



A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. - Leo F. Buscaglia



I feel anything that falls short of what is mentioned in the above quotes is not worth your time....



I think the greatest thing you could receive from someone is the feeling of being accepted for who you are...without judgment...and being cared about in spite of your flaws....and it the most amazing thing ever.....which im ashamed to say ive taken for granted.. ..for way too long....im lucky enough to have people like that in my life....who make me feel like....and want to be a better person for..,..so that one day...i may be there to repay the kindness they have shown me....it is our differences that make us stronger....the fact that we can compensate....for each other....as and when we falter....is our greatest strength.....a strength i had underestimated...but will never do so again.

-Rahul Thomas

Mother and Child

(this one started out as a favor for an aunt and her magazine....but was a lot harder than i thought it would be...and gave me a pretty interesting and challenging view point to deal with......this was the result....)

I heard stories of what this would be like
All the dirty diapers, all the sleepless nights
I heard about the pain, you were going to put me through
And how I’d always be fascinated…by your tiny shoes…

I heard about all the things.. I’d have to compromise
And listened to all the things that would… make me wise….
I heard about how….you were going to make me cry
And about …all the times… I’d probably wonder…. WHY?!!!

But all those things I thought i feared
None were more terrifying than when you appeared
 But all those things id heard before you were born..
 Melted away…an early Sunday morn…

And I stared in wonder, I stared in awe
At the cute little brown ball…I saw
All that fuss over something so small
Something that couldn’t walk something that couldn’t crawl

With your little hands, and your little feet
That big gorgeous smile with no little teeth
Those big brown eyes….with cheeks so red…
Those tiny little hairs on that tiny little head

In that moment I knew what it was all about
Yes indeed….i had no doubt
I knew I’d love you the rest of my life
Through moments of joy…and moments of strife

As I held you close in my arms
I knew I’d never let you come to harm
And Right then I knew it was worth my while
Right there...in that moment…..  mother and child

-Rahul Thomas



 

Funny the way it is...when you think about it...

Every time you think you know the ans....just when you think you've got it all figured out.....no matter what you've read....about anyone...or anything.....over the thousands of years we've been on this little blue planet.....life will continue to surprise you....in no small way....and in ways yet to be written about.....

a couple months ago....i thought i knew what i wanted....what was right....and what i thought i knew was wrong....i had made my assumptions about the people in my life......about those id chosen to stand beside me....those ive had the privilege of knowing......and about the things i expect outta my life....but the word expect has got to be the most ill thought of word when your thinking about the rest of your life.....

Its funny how we plan our lives .....in 5 years ...we will have this....we will be doin that......and were so certain of it.....and we assume that when were done.....with our planned out journeys to the grave......wed know the ans.....cause thats how long we think....it takes to really grow up.....unfortunately....it aint that simple.....its the unexpected that define who we are.....makes us reach deep down...and revamp everything we thought we knew....

Now im not saying don't plan.....don't dream....don't want....that's just nuts...we all want everything life has to offer.....i know i do......all im saying is....if you think the unexpected stuff wasnt imp...that it was just there to make your life harder....or more complicated....your really missing out.....there's an old saying.....

"No expectations ;No disappointments."

I never really understood what that meant.....i always thought it was more like an escapist kinda thing....if you never expect anything of your life.....you'd be happy with whatever you got.....

Cause when you think about it.....it just doesnt make sense.....if you dont know where you wanna go in life....how you gonna move forward.....you cant just wait for everything to happen to you...but...

I think i finally get it now....and ive been goin about it all wrong......the thing is if you live your life within that framework of what you expect......you limiting what life has to offer.....and what you can get outta it....you gotta want it all......and mean it all.......equally......not just the good stuff.....everything......you gotta accept for what it is.....not hide it......dont bury it....feel it....and ... know.....that....that moment.....in no small way....contributes....to that sweet rich tapestry of emotional carnage.....which your gonna remember.....the scars you'd have healed from...the joys youve shared....and everything in between...that makes that amazing rainbow of 14 shades of grey.....cause that's what real living is....there are no expectations....when you live in the unexpected...when your willing to risk it all....everyday...and...just live in the mystery....its not about the end....its about the journey.

I think its that understanding that helps you live with the choices you've made.....and not be disappointed with them as your moving forward...my recent past...has showed me more about life......than everything ive done up unto this point....and it all started with something amazingly unexpected.

What i do know....is.....come what may......im not gonna end where i started from.....but i also cant think of a better feeling......than not knowing how things are gonna turn out...or whats gonna come my way.

its funny the way it is.....when you think about it....

Before It Can Be Wiser.

I look at my mirror
and all my days seem gray
i can feel it all around me
and yet its words....i cannot say

My food,my drink...have lost their tastes
they all seem.....rather bland
and colors all seem faded
lost as they touch my hand

I feel it deep within me
and it eats me...from where it stays
feeling broken down and beaten
as with my heart...it plays.

If i dare....to try and stop it,
i know i try in vain
if i smile and try to avoid it,
my soul....it would choose to stain.

So i conceal it with conceit
and put on my heart... a seal
hiding it by many masks
i cannot let it feel.

So in my thoughts i live each day
i leave behind....all that lingers
watching over the world...in absence
as sand slips through my fingers

They tell me... time is a healer
and this...i hope is true
for these wounds run deep within me
and im afraid theyve....gone right through

Her smile is my only solace
and to my memory...it ties her.
so...how many times must a heart break
before it can be wiser ?.

-By Rahul Thomas

love the ans ...or the problem?

i was looking back on my past loves.....my love of life.....and stuff i had.... done...and not done for those loves...or in spite of those loves.....and found my self getting rather confused.....this emotion has got to be one of the greatest paradoxes that have ever existed....and I'm talking about....in forever and ever....and that's a really long time...


So the purpose of this article is too dissect love.....for better o worse....:D....yes read on dear people ...for you are about to see something rather special....my humble take on this rather....deep...and misunderstood emotion.


What is love?.....when i was smaller.......i used to think it was more along the lines ...or boy meets girl....girl meets boy....they fall in love....and live happily ever after.....when i got a little older....this wasn't quite....well...er... exactly the case.....boy meets girl....boy falls in love....girl says "hell no!!"....and boy learns tough love....yes the world is a cruel place.....but moving past my obvious smooth as sandpaper approach to women...and wounded manhood\ego........i learned i wasn't the only one confused....in fact...there are books....poems....that dictate and elaborate its intricacies... there are entire industries based on it......billion dollar industries obsessing over this emotion...what it means....how complicated it can get....how to get it......and generally just making money of the drama it creates in peoples lives.


You have people telling you what you should do...should n do....what you should say....how you should dress.....how you should walk, talk....the psychology behind the approach...the anxiety....and I'm like.....arrrrgh....when did all this get so complicated.....our ancestors just banged each other on the head with clubs and did it...that was love......and even back then....for them.....it probably seemed ridiculously complicated.


Now as complicated as all this seems....the truth is....its only a small part of it.....in fact....its not even the surface of this emotion....not even close...


John Lennon once said:


"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it"


Now he was talking about real love.....and real love is hard work.....its an understanding......its not about the chocolate....the gifts.....and all that stuff in between...that's been commercializing it....its the love between the a mother and a child.....its unconditional.....its that feeling when your with a friend who understands you....its that feeling of being connected....even though...your miles away....from someone you care about....its love for your country...all this being said...even if i tried...there is just... no way i could list them all.....but i do know its......its often found....in the things we take for granted everyday....and that's Lennon's message......you need......realize its there.....all around you.... then learn to care for it....nurture it....and in time it'll grow....though...in ways you might not fully understand.


That being said.....love also has a much darker side to it....which is often ignored...mainly because it isn't as pleasing as its counterpart...its pushed aside......but like two sides of a coin....or the opposite sides of a magnet...one isn't complete without the other........for each pulls in a different direction...... making this emotion ....what it....truly is.


For love....with its ability to truly mesmerize us....and make our lives seem....a lot less ordinary.....often also brings out the worst in us.....wars have been fought...people have died.....families separated....each event....fueling this horrific tale.....of one love being sacrificed for another......where our anger,jealousy.....indecision,confusion.....all leave their trails of destruction .....and yet....we stand mystified by it........drawn in by this profound illusion that the world is a better place....because our actions were done......in love.....an emotion mind you.....has no bounds when it comes to bringing people together....or ripping them apart entirely....


So all this being said....is love the ans?...can love truly conquer all?....bring about world peace?and an understanding of humanity?.....in my opinion.....no...i believe love changes the world everyday...but not in ways...we think it should....it has no master....but never the less....we all need love.......we need it....to justify our own methods....we need it....to justify our existence....for even happiness doesn't become real....unless it is shared....we need love to be able to share our lives.......even if it is in pain....for even pain can be shared.....and that's what its all about....sharing...


The true purpose of love....no matter how you look at it......to let us know....we are not alone....that we are all connected somehow.......and because we know this.....and can take comfort in it.....we ignore....its evils.....for they are necessary in the great scheme of things......just like we know....the same gravity that holds us to the planet....that keeps us from floating out into space..... is also the same gravity that dented newtons skull....so love isn't the ans....nor....is it the problem......it is merely a facilitator of existence.


as for our troubles....


a great french philosopher.....once said....


."rather than love,fame,fairness,wealth,....give me truth."


and it is truth....not love....that will change our circumstances.