Before It Can Be Wiser.

I look at my mirror
and all my days seem gray
i can feel it all around me
and yet its words....i cannot say

My food,my drink...have lost their tastes
they all seem.....rather bland
and colors all seem faded
lost as they touch my hand

I feel it deep within me
and it eats me...from where it stays
feeling broken down and beaten
as with my heart...it plays.

If i dare....to try and stop it,
i know i try in vain
if i smile and try to avoid it,
my soul....it would choose to stain.

So i conceal it with conceit
and put on my heart... a seal
hiding it by many masks
i cannot let it feel.

So in my thoughts i live each day
i leave behind....all that lingers
watching over the world...in absence
as sand slips through my fingers

They tell me... time is a healer
and this...i hope is true
for these wounds run deep within me
and im afraid theyve....gone right through

Her smile is my only solace
and to my memory...it ties her.
so...how many times must a heart break
before it can be wiser ?.

-By Rahul Thomas

love the ans ...or the problem?

i was looking back on my past loves.....my love of life.....and stuff i had.... done...and not done for those loves...or in spite of those loves.....and found my self getting rather confused.....this emotion has got to be one of the greatest paradoxes that have ever existed....and I'm talking about....in forever and ever....and that's a really long time...


So the purpose of this article is too dissect love.....for better o worse....:D....yes read on dear people ...for you are about to see something rather special....my humble take on this rather....deep...and misunderstood emotion.


What is love?.....when i was smaller.......i used to think it was more along the lines ...or boy meets girl....girl meets boy....they fall in love....and live happily ever after.....when i got a little older....this wasn't quite....well...er... exactly the case.....boy meets girl....boy falls in love....girl says "hell no!!"....and boy learns tough love....yes the world is a cruel place.....but moving past my obvious smooth as sandpaper approach to women...and wounded manhood\ego........i learned i wasn't the only one confused....in fact...there are books....poems....that dictate and elaborate its intricacies... there are entire industries based on it......billion dollar industries obsessing over this emotion...what it means....how complicated it can get....how to get it......and generally just making money of the drama it creates in peoples lives.


You have people telling you what you should do...should n do....what you should say....how you should dress.....how you should walk, talk....the psychology behind the approach...the anxiety....and I'm like.....arrrrgh....when did all this get so complicated.....our ancestors just banged each other on the head with clubs and did it...that was love......and even back then....for them.....it probably seemed ridiculously complicated.


Now as complicated as all this seems....the truth is....its only a small part of it.....in fact....its not even the surface of this emotion....not even close...


John Lennon once said:


"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it"


Now he was talking about real love.....and real love is hard work.....its an understanding......its not about the chocolate....the gifts.....and all that stuff in between...that's been commercializing it....its the love between the a mother and a child.....its unconditional.....its that feeling when your with a friend who understands you....its that feeling of being connected....even though...your miles away....from someone you care about....its love for your country...all this being said...even if i tried...there is just... no way i could list them all.....but i do know its......its often found....in the things we take for granted everyday....and that's Lennon's message......you need......realize its there.....all around you.... then learn to care for it....nurture it....and in time it'll grow....though...in ways you might not fully understand.


That being said.....love also has a much darker side to it....which is often ignored...mainly because it isn't as pleasing as its counterpart...its pushed aside......but like two sides of a coin....or the opposite sides of a magnet...one isn't complete without the other........for each pulls in a different direction...... making this emotion ....what it....truly is.


For love....with its ability to truly mesmerize us....and make our lives seem....a lot less ordinary.....often also brings out the worst in us.....wars have been fought...people have died.....families separated....each event....fueling this horrific tale.....of one love being sacrificed for another......where our anger,jealousy.....indecision,confusion.....all leave their trails of destruction .....and yet....we stand mystified by it........drawn in by this profound illusion that the world is a better place....because our actions were done......in love.....an emotion mind you.....has no bounds when it comes to bringing people together....or ripping them apart entirely....


So all this being said....is love the ans?...can love truly conquer all?....bring about world peace?and an understanding of humanity?.....in my opinion.....no...i believe love changes the world everyday...but not in ways...we think it should....it has no master....but never the less....we all need love.......we need it....to justify our own methods....we need it....to justify our existence....for even happiness doesn't become real....unless it is shared....we need love to be able to share our lives.......even if it is in pain....for even pain can be shared.....and that's what its all about....sharing...


The true purpose of love....no matter how you look at it......to let us know....we are not alone....that we are all connected somehow.......and because we know this.....and can take comfort in it.....we ignore....its evils.....for they are necessary in the great scheme of things......just like we know....the same gravity that holds us to the planet....that keeps us from floating out into space..... is also the same gravity that dented newtons skull....so love isn't the ans....nor....is it the problem......it is merely a facilitator of existence.


as for our troubles....


a great french philosopher.....once said....


."rather than love,fame,fairness,wealth,....give me truth."


and it is truth....not love....that will change our circumstances.

All Is As It Should Be....

i find my self starin at a blank wall and yet...for some strange reason i find myself so completely amused....as i travel to those deep spaces in the back of my mind....to that dark place where you dont really know up from down...where everything is a blur...and yet....all is as it should be.....

and as strange as it probably sounds to you.....there will come a point in your life....where you will learn of this place again...for this place is not new...it had only been forgotten......a place...where there is no wrong or right....and where morality,reality.....seem altogether twisted....hidden by lies you've fed yourself to keep your own conscience at bay.

and yet....all is as it should be.....this is a dangerous place....where even the ideal tend to falter.... it is in this Grey area...that you truly lose yourself....and in doing so....are reborn.

refreshed...by a new understanding....of what it means to be human....what it means to share a life......to need....and be needed.....to just let go......and live in the mystery of this experience...rather than fear it....to accept our differences as individuals......and to learn from them....rather than to condemn them.

but this is no new truth....people have spoken about it for eons....and yet...we choose to remain...why?

cause ironically.... the very people on the path to enlightenment.....are unknowingly the same....that stop this understanding from becoming a reality......and unfortunately this process will continue indefinitely....as it has for centuries....

so if you find yourself lost at some point in your life.......know that....... all is as it should be.


the truth...unlike fiction.....does not have to make sense.