Killing The Child

My hopes my dreams I pinned to the hands I held

To the ones my heart I had meld

Feeling safe that all would be well

My own padded cell

The world was cruel or so id heard

Clinging to the truth of the spoken word

That I wasn’t good enough the way I was

That I had to be better than this lost cause

Belief is a strange thing

It can build you up or break your wings

And we’re often blinded to which is which

Until it unravels stitch by stitch

And a ghost appears from the shell laying shattered

A vague shape torn and tattered.

Stronger than before even in its weakest form

Broken but Ready to weather the storm.

And now there is Purpose yes there is poise

Against the wind and… deafening noise.

It’s Time to venture out into the wild

Its time I killed the child

By Rahul Thomas

Finally found its place.

 I had always felt that I was alone
I had never said it… but I had always known
People crowded around me to watch as it hurt to smile
Misunderstood and disjointed… id been broken for a while

I had dreamt of a world beyond the one so plain
A place where my dark heart wouldn’t live in vain
But time like the world is often unkind
A misinformed reality, that drove me blind.

I had forgotten all I wanted the world to be
 it had no need for the dreamer in me
And As I realized this I slumped to the floor
Defeated and self-loathing till you walked thru my door

And as the room lit up and it was never the same
And something happened when you called my name
And In those moments I felt the spark
Like a flare in the unknown when I was lost in the dark.

There was something beyond that smile you had
a warmth and kindness that made me feel glad
And It drew me nearer, I just had to know more
About the girl whose light, had touched my core.

 As the days went by I was surprised to see
All that the world had forsaken in me
for in her eyes was my truth of old
in the Shards of a broken mirror that had now grown cold

Hers was a life just below her surface
an ocean whose depth was not without purpose
and in her words each day, another piece was found
Another piece that forever, my soul to hers did bound.

Now my world is as it should be, this is true
Found In a love beyond the great big blue
My heart longs to be, in her warm loving light
The last love story, I’d ever want to write

She’s now my muse in a world so grey
The reason I find the words to say
That across the land beyond time and space
My heart has finally found its place.

                                               - Rahul Thomas

STORM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESFANzZTdYM

the life of a candle.

We often fear what we cannot see

It’s why we stick together you and me

We see in each other, what we cannot see in ourselves

Trapped in our own darkness, our own personal hell

But I can see your light as you see mine

Afraid no longer my handle in thine

I know not how long I will walk this earth

But our life drips away from our moment of birth

I know I share this light out of fear

But in hopes that others soon would draw near

And share their light when mine burns out

A candle in life…..forever in doubt

The ROAD

I run a road that is common to all.
Black and white...big and small.
Its is a road that i run...and i run blind.
Searching for an end... i cannot find.

I dare not stop,for it might be near.
That others may find it, is what i fear.
But as i go... i see them fight.
Kicking and screaming with all their might.

Fighting for an end...they know little about.
Only rumours and assumptions, but i have my doubts.
The road does not care what happens to you.
Only that you run it....and enjoy the view.

For the road is long.and its forever short.
Cause you only live for so long...and its all weve got.
Every choice you make has a cost.
Every happy memory...every moment lost.

I hope that wisdom may lend you its power.
To choose then wisely before the hour.
To run, walk ,skip or play.
Or to stop in your tracks...i cannot say.

I could tell you... what you should do
But that would be my assumption...and i havent a clue.
But know i want to travel... distances that i havent seen
And visit places ... i havent been.

I want to tell you... all the things ive learnt.
All the sleeepless nights... all the candles burnt
And i could do so...if youd only listen..
To my words...that with hope..do glisten.

But i wont compel you...and you cannot follow
For my words are cruel...and callously hollow.
Your journey is your own..for you to lead
And should not be bound...by selfish greed.

Learn that you are different....in your experience to mine
And that it is indeed as unique...as the finest of wine
Know that you are different and in no small measure.
That our fates did intertwine...was indeed my pleasure.

All i ask in turn... is that you open your mind.
For every experience is one of a kind.
That every step takes you further than the last
That youll always look ahead...and never in the past.

This road takes...far more than it gives
And none is more important...than how you choose to live
For the end will come...and you will never see
What was important...was the journey.

- Rahul Thomas

Realizations on real relationships

There are times in life.....where you feel beaten down and unsure of yourself....about who you are...where you stand...what you like...what you know you don't like......even about the things you thought you knew about your life....but now are just not sure of anymore.....

times that make you wonder....if whether what you thought you knew about your self....was just something ....you created.....from what everyone else thought they wanted....

lately ive been going through bit of a rough phase.....one in which everything i thought i knew........was turned upside down....and now am finding myself having to start from scratch....

its not the first time its happened.....and it certainly isn't gonna be the last.....

at times like these....i  try and....get some space between me and the world.....and try to figure things out.....disappear...vanish...just be alone for a while....amongst a bunch of strangers....hiding behind the tears of a clown....in hopes that no one sees past my smile.

times like these....i cant stand being around the people i care about.....i find it hard to understand why the people i know....trust in me the way they do....why some people care about me more than i think they should....why they trust in my judgment...despite all the times Ive taken them for granted...and it scares me to be around these people...for they see past my smile and false confidence....and trust in someone who they think they know.....they trust in who i am....more than id be able to trust myself sometimes....and that scares me ...for ...how can you trust someone you do not know?....even if....that person was....you.

id gone in circles searching for myself...when the ans was right in front of me all along....

for this time....when my world burned down....something remained.....it wasnt much ....but it was enough.....to help me understand....that its from the people who care about you....that you indeed learn the most about yourself from........when i let them in...when i pulled closer...instead of pushing away......when i let my guard down...and just let it happen......i learnt that i indeed had something to offer....something more than i realized i did....more than i thought i could....i realized why i mattered

....which is an unbelievable feeling......to know...that there is no one...in the rest of the world to be more qualified to be you..to the people you care about....than you...reading it is one thing....feeling it is quite another....and when you realize....that there are over a 4billion different people on the planet...its a pretty big damn deal....its like knowing.....your gonna win the lottery....cause there's only one ticket...and you have it.

that being said.....its weird how all people evolve the same way...as do their relationships...its why some last more than others....and some always seem to stay the same....in either case...youll never know...about your relationships...or about yourself...by retreating into yourself...lifes to short to be afraid to be open about it...

i know now...and it took me while to really understand.....that its the relationships that build you up....instead of tear you down....those that transpire time...and distance...those that feel easy...and not a forced chore in any way..the ones that don't command you to follow...but guide you...and are still there if you falter.... are indeed the ones that matter....and probably the ones who get you closer to knowing who you really are as a person.

that being said....how do you know the difference between the relationships that matter...from the ones...that are just a waste of your time....the funny thing is....as is the case with most things in life that we tend to complicate....its pretty simple really....



Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.- Anthony Robbins.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.  ~Oprah Winfrey



A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. - Leo F. Buscaglia



I feel anything that falls short of what is mentioned in the above quotes is not worth your time....



I think the greatest thing you could receive from someone is the feeling of being accepted for who you are...without judgment...and being cared about in spite of your flaws....and it the most amazing thing ever.....which im ashamed to say ive taken for granted.. ..for way too long....im lucky enough to have people like that in my life....who make me feel like....and want to be a better person for..,..so that one day...i may be there to repay the kindness they have shown me....it is our differences that make us stronger....the fact that we can compensate....for each other....as and when we falter....is our greatest strength.....a strength i had underestimated...but will never do so again.

-Rahul Thomas

Mother and Child

(this one started out as a favor for an aunt and her magazine....but was a lot harder than i thought it would be...and gave me a pretty interesting and challenging view point to deal with......this was the result....)

I heard stories of what this would be like
All the dirty diapers, all the sleepless nights
I heard about the pain, you were going to put me through
And how I’d always be fascinated…by your tiny shoes…

I heard about all the things.. I’d have to compromise
And listened to all the things that would… make me wise….
I heard about how….you were going to make me cry
And about …all the times… I’d probably wonder…. WHY?!!!

But all those things I thought i feared
None were more terrifying than when you appeared
 But all those things id heard before you were born..
 Melted away…an early Sunday morn…

And I stared in wonder, I stared in awe
At the cute little brown ball…I saw
All that fuss over something so small
Something that couldn’t walk something that couldn’t crawl

With your little hands, and your little feet
That big gorgeous smile with no little teeth
Those big brown eyes….with cheeks so red…
Those tiny little hairs on that tiny little head

In that moment I knew what it was all about
Yes indeed….i had no doubt
I knew I’d love you the rest of my life
Through moments of joy…and moments of strife

As I held you close in my arms
I knew I’d never let you come to harm
And Right then I knew it was worth my while
Right there...in that moment…..  mother and child

-Rahul Thomas