arranged marriages.....hmmmm

In case the title hadn't given it away i thought id take a moment to ponder and ramble on a little tradition of ours......arranged marriages.



(i thought..id...play my tiny violin...just to add a little mood music)

its funny that....in our "modern" society.....where we boast about our advances in technology...and cultural understanding...that the country with supposedly some of the most intelligent people on the planet....er.....hmm....or well......maybe....just the most people on the planet......we've reduced the romance.......that poets have spent their whole lives contemplating to .........the size of someones bank account....and face value.

["i think that i shall never see
a bank account as lovely as thee
with your numbers and your many zeros
you truly are....my hero

i have searched far and wide
for someone with joint checking to abide
my parents tell me....were meant to be
i guess its destiny."]

(a little something of my own making)

but when i think about it....for a country who's people used to choose their professions like... inee minee minenee mo...your an engineer,doctor or accountant

........it wouldn really be hard to understand why another one of life's most imp decisions
would obviously require the exact same skill and tact...

but marriage...today....seems more like your average trip to the supermarket..i mean...think about it.....when you buy a product...you check out the date of manufacture,..whos the manufacturer?is it a brand name?does it have adequate after sale service?...are there any special offers?...is the product defective?does it look good?

.....(talk about the other extreme of the idealized version huh :D).....its funny how....seemingly deeper more important qualities are left to chance...id like to think those would seem more important...

questions like

....what car does he drive?....where would he live?....how much does he earn?....whats his skin color?....are they a well to do family?is his right toe bigger than his left one?

....for some twisted reason seem more important than..

..is he well mannered?...does he respect women?.....would he genuinely care for her?....does he like wearing women s clothing?is his idea of fun farting in public?...is the woman outgoing?is she caring?does she have a sense of humor?does she seem stuck up?does she grow weed in her backyard?....

then again...im sure.....that the family only wants whats best for the girl or guy involved...er...um...superficially...atleast....you know what i really think....i think.....the family only really wants whats best for the family....the opinions of the people involved hardly ever matter much....its more like a game of marital monopoly really...only the number of players rolling the dice are more than there should be.....and theres also a pretty good chance that none of them are either the bride or the groom.

.....the only real question....would be asked.....after the twenty minute meeting between the two to be wed....and the question being...

".do you feel repulsed by them?" (i kid you not....that was the question my aunt asked my cousin sister just before she was made to choose the guy she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with).

(as if you could be repulsed by a person, whos supposed to be on his\her best behavior..having not known them before....in less time than it takes to make a decent cup of coffee..)

....if your not completely repulsed by them....you could indeed spend the rest of your life with them...lol(..how completely bizarre is that really?...i wouldn even buy a shirt unless i actually liked it....leave alone contemplate whether.... i wasn't completely feeling repulsed by it...

"i dont completely hate it.....so itll do....i guess"

i heard marriage was hard....and now i know why....you spend the first half tolerating the person.....and the rest contemplating the phrase...till death do us part.

As unfortunate as the concept of an arranged marriage seems to me rite now......and im sure to a great many people out there...a real pain in the arse....

.....In the Indian context it is in fact "the holy grail".....and is seen as the reward for all those unfortunate men...who've spent most of their adult lives behind their books.....worrying about money....a kind of modern day light at the end of a very very long tunnel....a sort of compensation that they expect from their parents.....in return for everything they were expected to do and put through....as responsible adults\children......while everyone else was living out their younger years.

"ah....your 30 now...my baby is all grown up.....now its time to pass on the torch....to another capable independent woman...who follows instructions and listens to every word i say..."

(sometimes im not sure....whether any of us are really ever....fully allowed to grow up)

as much as i hate the concept of an arranged marriage for.... damaging peoples understanding of the depth and range of emotions involved in such a commitment...beyond its financial implications....and.....the sheer number of people who are suffering as a result of it......ill have to admit.... it is....in our country an unavoidable unchangeable equalizer..(i say equalizer....cause all other factors would eventually melt down to financial security)....and is probably and unfortunately gonna be there for a while....especially in our country...not because its the right way of doing it....but because it is easier.....and relies on factors that are logically and quantifiably measurable.....and easier to control.....than of those that aren't...(and also i find its because tradition dictates so....and living outside tradition would affect the reputation of the family..which is a very important factor in the arranged process)....but the factors that are often outside your control....are also often the most important....and could decide the course of the marriage for better or worse...i think its important to remember that.


In the end....i guess it all depends on whether your a conformist..willing to listen and do everything being told to you...in the hopes that maybe other people know better than you do.....or willing to take a chance.....question tradition...or maybe just question in general...from your own point of view....your own thoughts...and preferences....rather than someone Else's...

i say....keep questioning....you might just learn something new.

- Rahul Thomas